Song of Songs 2:8-15, 3-7-10 Message 4
I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to spring. This sunshine has been a real teaser for me. The trees are beginning to bud, tulips are starting to poke through the ground – the new life of spring is all around us. Even though this has been a mild winter, I still look forward to short sleeves and shorts – I look forward to the warmth of the sun. Statistics show that people are happier in the spring and summer months – the suicide rate drops in the spring and summer, people who suffer from depression really seem to do better when the sun is shining – it’s just a good time of year. Spring time is a reminder to me of the new life we experience in a relationship with Christ. It’s a reminder to me of the love that God has for us, and the greatest proof of that love, was sending Jesus to give up His life for us and be resurrected, so we could experience resurrection life in His name.
The Song of Songs is all about love. It’s all about romantic love, but as we have seen the last few weeks, that foundation of that kind of love must be rooted in the love of God in order for a healthy relationship to flourish.
This morning, the focus of my sermon is going to be on verse 15. It says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
I have the joy and privilege of counseling couples as they prepare for marriage, and also in the midst of a marriage. Over the years, I have learned a lot about people during my times in marriage preparation and marriage counseling. I have learned that every marriage is different – because every person is unique. I have some couples come into my offices with that glazed over look in their eyes. They are totally in love and dreamy eyed over one another. They think that when they get married, everything good in their life will get better, and everything bad in their life will magically disappear. Those are two of the biggest myths in marriage. Then I have couples who come in that I wonder if they even really like each other, much less love each other – those are interesting as well. Most married couples and engaged couples struggle over similar issues, but the way that those struggles get handled is always different because each person involved is different. What I can tell you without a doubt is this: Every marriage has “little foxes” that sneak in and seek to destroy the root of a healthy relationship. That’s why healthy roots are so important.
A few years ago, I was playing softball – a batter hit the ball to the substitute second baseman, who reared back as hard as he could to make a throw to first base as if he was standing in the outfield, rather than 60 feet away from me. The ball went just over the top of the pocket of my glove and smacked me right in the front teeth. My tooth was knocked out…hanging by a nerve – literally. Through that experience, I found out from my dentist that my teeth have very shallow roots. I had braces when I was a teenager, and my teeth were moved so much, that many of them shifted right off the roots –so if I take a shot in the mouth with a softball or something else, chances are my teeth are coming out pretty easily. Roots are important.
Roots in a relationship are of vital importance. If Jesus is not at the center of our life as individuals, and then the center of our relationships in marriage, then the question simply becomes, “What is?” A relationship built on anything other than the Jesus is built on shallow roots, or no roots at all.
There’s something that we need to come to grips with. We are sinners. As I mentioned last week, “two sinners don’t live happily ever after.” I have and I will sin against my wife – I’m a sinner. I’m saved by the glorious grace of God, His Spirit is at work within me, I’m being transformed into the likeness of Christ as I grow and mature in my faith – but I still will say things, think things and do things that will prove my selfish nature as a sinner. As a holiness denomination, we do not believe that we will NEVER sin – we claim the victory that Christ has over the grip of sin in our lives, praise God – but we still slip up and I will sin against my wife. And she will sin against me. In those moments, if Christ is not actively in place in the role of the “one mediator between God and man” – dealing with my sin through the work of the Holy Spirit – then, this will come as no surprise… – my relationship with my wife is sunk. I have allowed the little fox to destroy the blossoming vineyard.
Let’s just talk about some little foxes. Let’s point out just a few, and then whether you are married or single – I’d encourage you to make a list of the “little foxes” that exist in your life that are endangering your “vineyard” – and catch them before they grow, multiply and take over.
I believe pride is a little fox in relationships, and it becomes a very big fox if it is not caught – pride isn’t just a problem in marriage, but it’s definitely a biggie in that realm. When our relationships are not rooted in Jesus Christ, and pride creeps in, then who stops the attack from that little fox? The little Old Testament book of Micah charges us us to “walk humbly with our God.” When pride rears its ugly head, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit is not in the midst of the relationship to point it out and deal with it – it becomes a little fox attacking the shallow roots of a blossoming vineyard. When pride creeps into my relationship with my wife, and we are not rooted in Jesus – pride can destroy us.
Money is a little fox in relationships. We won’t spend a lot of time on this one, because it’s pretty simple. If we have our priorities mixed up – we are not content with what we have, we feel like we don’t have enough – we’re always wanting more and more, then money begins to attack the root of our relationship like a little fox sneaking through the vineyard. If the Holy Spirit’s guidance isn’t there to point out our missteps, and we are not willing to be obedient and fix our eyes on Jesus and root and establish ourselves in Him…we are in big trouble.
Children can actually become a “little fox” in marriage relationships. If our marriages are for our kids rather than Christ, the same thing will happen. I know couples who stay together just because of their kids. They genuinely love their children, they just don’t love each other – the foundation of the relationship is built with the wrong materials. What happens when the kids are gone? The relationship implodes because it had the wrong foundation. Christ has to be at the center in order for it to work properly.
The list of endless foxes is endless…selfishness, discouragement, compromise, doubt, fear, lust, impatience, a critical spirit…the list could go on and on.
The bottom line is this. If Jesus Christ is not at the root of your life in every sense of the word…in every area – the little foxes that WILL attack will begin to eat away at your roots. The blossoming vineyard will become a barren wasteland. En Gedi will give way to the desert.
We are told in scripture in several different places, that marriage is to resemble Christ’s love for the Church. So how do we do that? We do it through service, sacrifice and submission. And all three of those things work together simultaneously. Let me explain:
Submission is a big, misunderstood concept in marriage. Let me explain submission in a way that I believe reflects Christ’s love for the church. Do you think Jesus wanted to be misunderstood by most of the people He encountered? Do you think He wanted to be beaten, spit on, betrayed, denied, and executed? He was not suicidal, and He was not masochistic. He lived His life in total submission to the will of the Father. Marriage is two people – who first and foremost have submitted their individual wills to that of the Father’s and then submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Before Ephesians 5 says anything about a wife submitting to her husband, and a husband loving His wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER…it says, “submit to ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST.” Men…your wife does not need to be abused by you in any form in order to submit to you. She is not your property. Men, you need to bow in humble reverence to Almighty God, and surrender your will to His completely, then…in mutual submission with your wife seek to be a husband that can lead His family in a godly manner from a position of humility – empowered by the Holy Spirit to fulfill your God-given duties as a husband. Ladies…some of you need to move beyond your “girl power” and bow in humble reverence to God the Father, and then honor your husband by submitting to Christ mutually with him in your marriage relationship.
The maiden gives us a great example of this when she cries out in a beautiful expression of love, “My lover is mine and I am his.” He is holding nothing back from her, and she is holding nothing back from him. That is exactly the kind of relationship that God intended when He said in Genesis, “…a man will leave his father and mother, become united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Servant hood in marriage. This is another biggie. When Jesus is not at the root of our relationships, then self is – it’s that simple. When self is at the root of my relationships, I take from my relationships what I need regardless of what the other person feels or needs. If both parties in a marriage relationship are doing this – guess what? You end up with a chaotic constant struggle. However, when I love my wife like Christ loves the church, then I am willing to meet her needs even if she cannot or will not reciprocate. I can love and serve her with joy (maybe not always happiness) but with joy in the Lord, even if I am receiving nothing back. There are seasons in life like that aren’t there? I wonder how often Jesus looks at our relationship and feels like its really one-sided? 13 years…coming up on 14 – and my wife and I are learning to serve and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I make sacrifices for her, she makes sacrifices for me – we are different, yes – but we are one – working together to glorifying God in every aspect of our marriage. We don’t always get it right. The little foxes attack – but I am thankful that I have a wife who together with me is willing to respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit – Jesus is at the center of our marriage and when the little foxes attack, we can catch them and wring their scrawny little necks before they destroy our blossoming vineyard. We are learning to love God first, then love one another above ourselves. To submit, serve and sacrifice together. I am hers…and she is mine.
This morning, I’m actually much more interested in you evaluating your root system than I am in you pointing out your little foxes. The little foxes are there and they always will be this side of eternity. Pride, discouragement, seasons of bad health, children, your job, the lack of a job, fears, doubts – those will all exist. Your relationships, even at your best, will be attacked by little foxes. My question is, “How is your root system?” Is your faith shallow? Are you building your relationships on something other than Jesus? Are your relying on the temporary rather than the eternal to get you by? Root and establish yourself in Jesus Christ, and then, when the little foxes come, you can catch them and get rid of them before they become major issues in your life and in your relationships.
