Life Transformation

I have some thoughts I’d like to put down in black and white so I don’t forget them later. That’s what this blog post is about today, nothing less, nothing more – so please forgive me if it’s raw, incomplete and somewhat random.
The other day, I was talking with someone about ministry – specifically youth ministry, and they made a comment to me that has me stewing a bit. We were talking about former students who are engaged in the church and seem to be walking with Jesus and former students who, as far as we know, aren’t. The person I was talking with said, “Well, I’m sure you’ve had some disappointments…” My first response was to say, “yes” – but something stopped me. Something about that statement has been bugging me the past few days. Let me share why:
As Christians, when we introduce someone to Jesus, what are we introducing them to?
Are we introducing them to a quick-fix for all their life’s problems?
Are we introducing them to a new “system” of life that requires they delete their old system for this new “upgraded” one?
Or, are we introducing them to an opportunity to find redemption from sin and inviting them to go on a journey in a relationship with Jesus Christ that begins with and results in total life transformation?
Honestly, I am finding that a lot of “believers” want the first two options to be the norm for people. The reality I am discovering as a pastor is that, it’s not.
Established believers often want for a new believer to immediately exhibit the character of Christ and see it lived out in everyday life from their vantage point, in their timing, and by their definition. Let me give you a simple example: We have a meth addict in our church – this lady has been plagued by substance abuse and addiction since her early teens – she is now in her late forties and recently came to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Her ability to move past drug addiction has and will continue to be a great battle for her, one that I may never see completely won in my ministry or lifetime. Could God deliver her from her addiction in an instant, and allow her to display the character of Christ in her everyday life right from the get-go? Absolutely. Does He always choose to do that? Absolutely not. Drug addiction is an easy one to see that reality in…but isn’t it true in every other person in most areas of life? Who determines how life transformation takes place, at what rate, and in whose timing?
I think Christians struggle with this concept of transformation. If we were to draw a line graph of a person’s life once they meet Jesus, we’d want for it to be a linear line that is on a constant uphill swing. No dips. No valleys. Certainly no U-turns allowed. No curves. No twists - just uphill all the way into eternity. In fact, I used to get frustrated with teens in youth ministry whose walk with Jesus resembled a Disneyland roller-coaster ride. However, as I get older, I’m starting to rethink my views on this “linear” growth process.
Pick a Bible person…almost any from Adam to Peter and you will find very few who displayed this growth pattern in their journey with God. I see the “greats of the faith” in scripture being broken many, many times – not just once, but over and over again in order for God’s transforming power and grace to work in them and break the chains of sin’s grip. Imagine if Jesus had cut off Peter when he made a major “U-turn” and denied Him the first, second or third of three times? Where would the church be if the disciples who “deserted him and fled” (Mark 14:50) weren’t given the opportunity to be restored and the work of life-transformation be allowed to continue in their individual lives? David is rebuked by Nathan in 2nd Samuel and told, “You are the man.” David is then restored by these beautiful words of life, “The Lord has taken away your sin.” David’s walk with God was not linear – it was full of valleys, shadows, twists, turns, and peaks. What makes me think I’m (or anyone else for that matter) any different?
I guess this is what God is teaching me:
1. Life transformation is often a long, grueling process. “In Christ, we are a new creation” – this is no doubt true, but sometimes the new creation part takes a while to see – especially when the bondage and temptation to sin continually causes people to trip and fall.
2. Jesus didn’t abandon anyone – even those who “deserted him and fled” or the one who publicly denied Him. I doubt that all the disciples returned – some may have run forever, I don’t know. Jesus welcomes the ones who return with open arms, even Peter. Jesus died on the cross next to two other criminals. One turned to Him for salvation, the other denied Him to the grave, but the option to turn to Christ for salvation was available even to that last breath. God, help me never to give up on those You sent Your Son to die for!
3. Even at my best, I’m a wretch saved by the grace of God. I cannot transform myself into the man God wants me to be, it’s His work and it is being accomplished within me as I yield to Him. There have been points on my journey where I haven’t wanted Him to change me and He has respected my choice and I’ve reaped the consequences of that. What I know is this: others around me can’t force me to do what only Christ can do. I will be changed as I yield to the work of the Spirit. When I am continually broken before Him, He can work – when I live like a rebel, God respects my choice to not abide in Him.
4. I’m looking at those around me, especially those who have recently come to know Jesus for the first time, and I am recognizing that I need to be patient – Christ is. I need to be willing to be betrayed – Christ is. I need to be willing to be denied – Christ is. I need to be willing to be abandoned – Christ is. I need to be willing to offer grace – Christ is. I need to love – Christ does. I need to offer mercy…do I need to continue this vein of thought?
Am I off base here? If so, someone please tell me. I cannot save someone, Jesus can. I cannot transform someone, Jesus can. Discipleship is a process, one that I myself am engaged in, and I can invite others to join me, and learn and grow along the journey. Will there be “disappointments?” Certainly – but I will not allow being disappointed to derail me, devour me, or send me flying into a finger-pointing, judgmental mode that ultimately shuts off grace. God is not finished yet – not with me, and not with anyone else. After all, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 1 Peter 3:9

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Open Season On Foxes

Song of Songs 2:8-15, 3-7-10 Message 4

I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to spring. This sunshine has been a real teaser for me. The trees are beginning to bud, tulips are starting to poke through the ground – the new life of spring is all around us. Even though this has been a mild winter, I still look forward to short sleeves and shorts – I look forward to the warmth of the sun. Statistics show that people are happier in the spring and summer months – the suicide rate drops in the spring and summer, people who suffer from depression really seem to do better when the sun is shining – it’s just a good time of year. Spring time is a reminder to me of the new life we experience in a relationship with Christ. It’s a reminder to me of the love that God has for us, and the greatest proof of that love, was sending Jesus to give up His life for us and be resurrected, so we could experience resurrection life in His name.
The Song of Songs is all about love. It’s all about romantic love, but as we have seen the last few weeks, that foundation of that kind of love must be rooted in the love of God in order for a healthy relationship to flourish.
This morning, the focus of my sermon is going to be on verse 15. It says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
I have the joy and privilege of counseling couples as they prepare for marriage, and also in the midst of a marriage. Over the years, I have learned a lot about people during my times in marriage preparation and marriage counseling. I have learned that every marriage is different – because every person is unique. I have some couples come into my offices with that glazed over look in their eyes. They are totally in love and dreamy eyed over one another. They think that when they get married, everything good in their life will get better, and everything bad in their life will magically disappear. Those are two of the biggest myths in marriage. Then I have couples who come in that I wonder if they even really like each other, much less love each other – those are interesting as well. Most married couples and engaged couples struggle over similar issues, but the way that those struggles get handled is always different because each person involved is different. What I can tell you without a doubt is this: Every marriage has “little foxes” that sneak in and seek to destroy the root of a healthy relationship. That’s why healthy roots are so important.
A few years ago, I was playing softball – a batter hit the ball to the substitute second baseman, who reared back as hard as he could to make a throw to first base as if he was standing in the outfield, rather than 60 feet away from me. The ball went just over the top of the pocket of my glove and smacked me right in the front teeth. My tooth was knocked out…hanging by a nerve – literally. Through that experience, I found out from my dentist that my teeth have very shallow roots. I had braces when I was a teenager, and my teeth were moved so much, that many of them shifted right off the roots –so if I take a shot in the mouth with a softball or something else, chances are my teeth are coming out pretty easily. Roots are important.
Roots in a relationship are of vital importance. If Jesus is not at the center of our life as individuals, and then the center of our relationships in marriage, then the question simply becomes, “What is?” A relationship built on anything other than the Jesus is built on shallow roots, or no roots at all.
There’s something that we need to come to grips with. We are sinners. As I mentioned last week, “two sinners don’t live happily ever after.” I have and I will sin against my wife – I’m a sinner. I’m saved by the glorious grace of God, His Spirit is at work within me, I’m being transformed into the likeness of Christ as I grow and mature in my faith – but I still will say things, think things and do things that will prove my selfish nature as a sinner. As a holiness denomination, we do not believe that we will NEVER sin – we claim the victory that Christ has over the grip of sin in our lives, praise God – but we still slip up and I will sin against my wife. And she will sin against me. In those moments, if Christ is not actively in place in the role of the “one mediator between God and man” – dealing with my sin through the work of the Holy Spirit – then, this will come as no surprise… – my relationship with my wife is sunk. I have allowed the little fox to destroy the blossoming vineyard.
Let’s just talk about some little foxes. Let’s point out just a few, and then whether you are married or single – I’d encourage you to make a list of the “little foxes” that exist in your life that are endangering your “vineyard” – and catch them before they grow, multiply and take over.
I believe pride is a little fox in relationships, and it becomes a very big fox if it is not caught – pride isn’t just a problem in marriage, but it’s definitely a biggie in that realm. When our relationships are not rooted in Jesus Christ, and pride creeps in, then who stops the attack from that little fox? The little Old Testament book of Micah charges us us to “walk humbly with our God.” When pride rears its ugly head, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit is not in the midst of the relationship to point it out and deal with it – it becomes a little fox attacking the shallow roots of a blossoming vineyard. When pride creeps into my relationship with my wife, and we are not rooted in Jesus – pride can destroy us.
Money is a little fox in relationships. We won’t spend a lot of time on this one, because it’s pretty simple. If we have our priorities mixed up – we are not content with what we have, we feel like we don’t have enough – we’re always wanting more and more, then money begins to attack the root of our relationship like a little fox sneaking through the vineyard. If the Holy Spirit’s guidance isn’t there to point out our missteps, and we are not willing to be obedient and fix our eyes on Jesus and root and establish ourselves in Him…we are in big trouble.
Children can actually become a “little fox” in marriage relationships. If our marriages are for our kids rather than Christ, the same thing will happen. I know couples who stay together just because of their kids. They genuinely love their children, they just don’t love each other – the foundation of the relationship is built with the wrong materials. What happens when the kids are gone? The relationship implodes because it had the wrong foundation. Christ has to be at the center in order for it to work properly.
The list of endless foxes is endless…selfishness, discouragement, compromise, doubt, fear, lust, impatience, a critical spirit…the list could go on and on.
The bottom line is this. If Jesus Christ is not at the root of your life in every sense of the word…in every area – the little foxes that WILL attack will begin to eat away at your roots. The blossoming vineyard will become a barren wasteland. En Gedi will give way to the desert.
We are told in scripture in several different places, that marriage is to resemble Christ’s love for the Church. So how do we do that? We do it through service, sacrifice and submission. And all three of those things work together simultaneously. Let me explain:
Submission is a big, misunderstood concept in marriage. Let me explain submission in a way that I believe reflects Christ’s love for the church. Do you think Jesus wanted to be misunderstood by most of the people He encountered? Do you think He wanted to be beaten, spit on, betrayed, denied, and executed? He was not suicidal, and He was not masochistic. He lived His life in total submission to the will of the Father. Marriage is two people – who first and foremost have submitted their individual wills to that of the Father’s and then submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Before Ephesians 5 says anything about a wife submitting to her husband, and a husband loving His wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER…it says, “submit to ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST.” Men…your wife does not need to be abused by you in any form in order to submit to you. She is not your property. Men, you need to bow in humble reverence to Almighty God, and surrender your will to His completely, then…in mutual submission with your wife seek to be a husband that can lead His family in a godly manner from a position of humility – empowered by the Holy Spirit to fulfill your God-given duties as a husband. Ladies…some of you need to move beyond your “girl power” and bow in humble reverence to God the Father, and then honor your husband by submitting to Christ mutually with him in your marriage relationship.
The maiden gives us a great example of this when she cries out in a beautiful expression of love, “My lover is mine and I am his.” He is holding nothing back from her, and she is holding nothing back from him. That is exactly the kind of relationship that God intended when He said in Genesis, “…a man will leave his father and mother, become united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Servant hood in marriage. This is another biggie. When Jesus is not at the root of our relationships, then self is – it’s that simple. When self is at the root of my relationships, I take from my relationships what I need regardless of what the other person feels or needs. If both parties in a marriage relationship are doing this – guess what? You end up with a chaotic constant struggle. However, when I love my wife like Christ loves the church, then I am willing to meet her needs even if she cannot or will not reciprocate. I can love and serve her with joy (maybe not always happiness) but with joy in the Lord, even if I am receiving nothing back. There are seasons in life like that aren’t there? I wonder how often Jesus looks at our relationship and feels like its really one-sided? 13 years…coming up on 14 – and my wife and I are learning to serve and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I make sacrifices for her, she makes sacrifices for me – we are different, yes – but we are one – working together to glorifying God in every aspect of our marriage. We don’t always get it right. The little foxes attack – but I am thankful that I have a wife who together with me is willing to respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit – Jesus is at the center of our marriage and when the little foxes attack, we can catch them and wring their scrawny little necks before they destroy our blossoming vineyard. We are learning to love God first, then love one another above ourselves. To submit, serve and sacrifice together. I am hers…and she is mine.
This morning, I’m actually much more interested in you evaluating your root system than I am in you pointing out your little foxes. The little foxes are there and they always will be this side of eternity. Pride, discouragement, seasons of bad health, children, your job, the lack of a job, fears, doubts – those will all exist. Your relationships, even at your best, will be attacked by little foxes. My question is, “How is your root system?” Is your faith shallow? Are you building your relationships on something other than Jesus? Are your relying on the temporary rather than the eternal to get you by? Root and establish yourself in Jesus Christ, and then, when the little foxes come, you can catch them and get rid of them before they become major issues in your life and in your relationships.

A Sleeping Giant

Song of Songs 1:15-2:7, Message 3

Two messages down, and several to go as we continue our study through the Song of Songs. My goal in this series is for you to truly think about what love is. I want for you to see that love is embodied in God – revealed to us in its most complete form in the person and work of Jesus Christ. I believe that even though this book never mentions the name of God specifically, it points us toward the source of love – God Himself. I also believe that from this work of love poetry, we can learn to seek love in its proper order: First, you discover the love that God has for you. We need to come to grips with the fact that the value God places on your life cost Him the life of His one and only Son. Second, we learn to receive His love – we can experience love in its purest form through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Third, we allow His love to permeate every relationship we are a part of. God invites us into a covenant love relationship with Him and as his workmanship, we respond in total, radical obedience to God’s redeeming love. We cannot understand love in its purest form when we are disconnected from the source of love itself – embodied in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Verse 7 is going to be our focal point this morning as we look at this part of our collection of love poems. It says, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” The Message Bible for that verse says, “Oh let me warn you sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe – and you’re ready.”
By way of introduction, I want to talk for a couple of minutes about biblical love. In the New Testament, different forms of love are discussed: Agape love – agape love is best understood as self-less love. It is charitable, unconditional love – you can express agape love toward someone you don’t even know – you can even express agape love toward someone you don’t even like. It’s the form of love that allows us to fulfill the command to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. A second form of love found in the New Testament is “phileo” love – best understood as brotherly love. It is the love I have for you my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s the love we experience together as the Body of Christ in a relationship with Jesus. I always remember “Phileo” love by thinking of the Philadelphia, which is the city of brotherly love. Anyway… There are two other words used in Greek literature for love that do not appear in scripture specifically. The first is storge (stor-jay) which is the kind of love expressed between a parent and child, and the second is eros – which is the romantic love expressed between a man and woman.
The Hebrew language which the Song of Songs was written uses a much more generic word for love - we face a similar struggle with Hebrew that we face in the English language. The word for love used through most of the Song of Songs is “ahabah” – pronounced “ah hav ah” – and it is a generic word for love. It can mean everything from the love God has for us to the love we have for Him, on to sexual desire between a man and woman in a marriage relationship. Throughout the Song of Songs, it’s pretty widely understood that the love being talked about here is romantic love. That love still comes from God, and it has boundaries that we need to respect. I think it is awesome to know that the same God who loves us enough to send His Son Jesus to die for our sins, also created intimate love between a man and a woman as His gift to us. However, we should not awaken love before its time…
In nature we are given some awesome examples of this. Think about a caterpillar. We read stories about the caterpillar, my favorite being, “The Very Hungry Catepillar” by Eric Carle. The caterpillar eats everything in sight, growing and growing – sews himself up into a cocoon, and comes out a beautiful butterfly. Now let’s talk about the reality of a caterpillar. A caterpillar eats leaves – not sugary candy like in the story – he eats leaves. He grows, and if he’s lucky and doesn’t get picked off by predators, sews himself up in his cocoon. Then, if he doesn’t get eaten while he’s in the cocoon, he hatches into a beautiful butterfly. It doesn’t end there though. After he’s a butterfly, the former caterpillar inherits a whole new set of problems. Flying being the first. He still has to find food, and he has a new set of predators he has to avoid. We often paint this picture of love, that once you really fall in love, your problems are over and you live happily ever after.
If we look to the New Testament, specifically in 1st Corinthians 13, we see the first thing mentioned in the famous list about love in verse 4 is that, “love is patient.” We see that reflected in the One who embodies love in His patience with us. But why not awaken this deep love between a man and a woman prematurely? What’s the big deal? Can’t we just act on our emotions when it comes to human love? Why doesn’t a caterpillar just sew himself up in the cocoon early so that he can jump to the butterfly part? Well, let’s talk about real love for a minute…
We see here in verse 17 that a big part of the concept of love is protection, as well as pleasure. When we truly love someone, we want to protect them at all cost. I literally would die to protect my wife. Here in the Song of Songs, we see the man tell his beloved, “The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.” Cedar wood strong as well as fragrant. It offers pleasure – it’s beautiful and it smells good, but it also offers great protection. That is what true love does. Can I just tell you, this man’s cedar and fir house did not get built overnight. In a healthy relationship between a man and woman, there is protection as well as pleasure. It should be no surprise that the man is telling this to his beloved. He is offering her En Gedi…an oasis of protection and pleasure within the relationship. Love that is awakened before its time does not have the opportunity to create protection, and as a result, true pleasure in the relationship often disappears. We can look to the New Testament again to the story of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 7. The foolish man, builds a house with no lasting foundation, no strength to withstand the storms of life. True love is patient, true love awakened at the right time has an opportunity to build a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
“Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.” I believe this statement shows the fragile nature of human love, and also guys, it gives us a picture of how we should view our spouse. When we are truly in love, we hold the one we love in the highest regard and are willing to build a relationship built on a foundation of love that is strong and sure.
In 1st Corinthians, Paul tells us that love is not self-seeking. I will submit to you, that premature…or immature love is nearly always self-motivated, it is not centered on the needs of another, but rather focuses on self-gain. True love is motivated toward the other person, it is not interested in selfish gain. “His banner over me is love” is an interesting phrase. The banner was flown during battle – love is something we fight to protect. It is not something we should rush into and cheapen. I look back at my teen years and my early 20s and often wish I could take a lot of things back. I think about how selfish I was, and how I would rush into relationships to try and fulfill a void that was lacking in my life. It wasn’t until I recognized that void could only be filled in a healthy and whole relationship with Jesus that I met my wife.
She says, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” This maiden has found a safe haven in the relationship with her lover. She can be herself in his presence, she feels protected and she experiences pleasure. She doesn’t have to worry, she and her man do not have to put on masks to try and make themselves out to be something they are not. Love, we are reminded again in 1st Corinthians “delights in the truth.”
Many of the expressions of love relate to nature in the Song of Songs – cedar beams, firs, roses, lilies, raisins, apples – later many more references to nature will be used in the description of love. This is not by accident, and it relates to this idea of protection and pleasure. God’s fingerprint is all over nature and I believe what we find constant reminders of His love for us in creation. God created the world for us to enjoy – he created it for our pleasure as well as our protection. He gives us boundaries that are for our benefit. Mankind ignored those boundaries initially, and we have been paying for it ever since. God doesn’t give up on us though: God in His love sends us Jesus to restore what was broken and create that intimacy again. Love between a man and a woman has boundaries as well. Love awakened before its time misses out on the protection and pleasure that we can experience when we are patient, we are not self-seeking, when we delight in the truth - when we are connected to that source of love found in an intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Love is a sleeping giant, and it needs to be awakened at the right time. When awakened, it’s hungry and needs to be fed. I believe that love awakened prematurely gets fed junk food, it does not get the proper nourishment and can end up unhealthy and starved. Over the years, many have thought this passage needs to be directed specifically toward young people – don’t awaken love prematurely, don’t awaken it before you are old enough. I will tell you that I don’t believe age is necessarily the issue. What we need to do regardless of our age is experience love in a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Discover who you are in Him, then allow human love to be awakened and properly nourished. When we rush it, regardless of our stage in life, we miss out on God’s best for us. Love is already work, but love awakened at the wrong time becomes extremely difficult – it becomes the opposite of what 1st Corinthians 13 talks about. The passage in 1st Corinthians tells us that love always protects, always trust, always hopes and always perseveres. Love awakened before its misses the protection that true, patient love offers. Love awakened prematurely is not built on a foundation of trust, and it lacks perseverance.
If you are here this morning and you are eager – eager to fall in love, let me encourage you to do exactly that. But don’t give your heart to a person…give your heart to Christ. Experience intimacy with Him, experience a life-transforming relationship with Him – then, when someone else who is experiencing that life-transforming relationship knocks on the door of your heart and you are ready to answer…allow God to lead and guide you into the beauty of a shared relationship in Him – it’s exciting, it’s glorious, it’s not easy – but it’s the most satisfying human relationship you can be a part of. If you are here this morning, and you have already skipped a lot of those steps – let me encourage you – together with the one you love, journey toward Christ – commit your relationship to Him and experience His transforming grace together.